Warning: This post might contain German. And Nuts.
One of my favourite German cabaret artists is Marc-Uwe Kling. He describes himself as an Anarchist, which causes a lot of trouble and debate as his flat mate is a speaking, communistic kangaroo (Fig. 1). That there is such a kangaroo living in Berlin has neither been confirmed nor denied by German authorities to this day. However there are stories of the life of the kangaroo written down in The Kangaroo Chronicles, The Kangaroo Manifest and The Kangaroo Revelation*. As “what is written down must be true” (ask the next fundamentalist you meet to confirm this statement) the Kangaroo must exist.
As “one of the worldwide renowned, unknown artists in the genre that of late is hyped as street art” the Kangaroo invented a new form of Cutting Edge Street Art:
Mismatched Quotes (German: Falsch zugeordnete Zitate)
How does it work: You write down an (more or less famous) quote somewhere and ascribe a false author to the statement. This can distort the original quote, can make you think about the statement in another light, but in the most cases it is primarily funny.
A few examples:
“Don`t ask yourself what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!” Kim Jong-un
“Hasta la Victoria siempre” John D. Rockefeller
“Mr. Gorbatschow, tear down this wall!” David Hasselhoff
“Friendship: That is like one soul in two bodies.” Lord Voldemort
A lot of Mismatched Quotes occur it the aforesaid mentioned books, there is a Facebook page and a tear-off calendar. Unfortunately most of the best quotes are only funny in German or if you are familiar with German events of the day or history (Fig. 2).
Therefore I tried to come up with somewhat Science related versions of Mismatched Quotes on my own. Now I know that`s a hard balance between nerdy and not funny and I hope I didn’t failed completely with my effort.
“If humans evolved from apes, how come there are still apes around?” Charles Darwin
“Human influence on the climate system is clear. It is extremely likely that human influence was the dominant cause of global warming between 1951-2010” Tony Abbott
“In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth.” Richard Dawkins
“All things are poison, and nothing is without poison; only the dose permits something not to be poisonous.” Members of the 27 Club
“Quantum gravity […] appears to allow universes to be created from nothing” Genesis 1:1
“It is made of cheese.” Neil Armstrong
“One day sir, you may tax it.” Prometheus
“Forcing religion on your children is as bad as child abuse.” The Pope
“There is no sound evidence that the pyramids were built as landing places for alien spaceships.” Jack O`Neill
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” God
“The Earth is flat!” Terry Pratchett
“I considered a globe in which a hard mantle surrounded a softer core …” Jules Verne
“Animal welfare concerns may arise when the humane and ethical treatment of animals is not upheld”. Erwin Schroedinger
“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” The C-T-Boundary Meteorite
“The laws of physics prevent anything from traveling faster than light.” Zefram Cochrane
“The only kind of entity that has to exist in order for life to arise, anywhere in the universe, is the immortal replicator.” Genesis 1:11
“Winter is coming.” Alfred Wegener, 1930
If you want to have a go, please share your Mismatched Quotes in the Comments.
*For those of you who speak German (I think the books are not available in any other language): I recommend the audio book versions.